Being a Father Can Teach You More About Being a MAN Than Anything Else – Here Are 5 Lessons I’ve Learned…

By Adam Armstrong

As I sit down to write this blog post, my daughter is now 5, and my son, 3. Since becoming a father, I’ve learned A LOT.

Today, I’d like to share 5 of the lessons fatherhood as has taught me so far… because these lessons are relevant to anyone who is interested in being a BETTER man.

Leave your comments and questions at the end, and I’ll reply asap.

Let’s get into it…

#1: What Unconditional Love Really Is

I always thought I knew what unconditional love was. Then my daughter was born, and I realized that then, and only then, did I know what it truly meant.

Before she was born, I was kidding myself. I didn’t have a fucking clue what ‘unconditional love’ was at all.

I remember, very clearly, holding my daughter in my arms for the first time, and 2 thoughts spontaneously came to mind:

First, “I love you”. Simple as that.

Second, “I’d do anything to protect you”.

At that moment, I understood what UNCONDITIONAL love really is.

I’ve since shared those thoughts with many men, and how they respond tells me A LOT about the man they are. If they nod their heads in agreement, and really ‘get it’ – I know I’m in the presence of a REAL MAN.

If they’re already a father, and they say something weak and pathetic, like:

“Oh, I’ve never thought about it like that”… well, then I know I’m in the presence of a human being with a penis attached. But, certainly NOT a man.

Any man who has never thought that he LOVES his kids, and would do anything to PROTECT them, has problems.

#2: To Lead by Example

If you want your kids to do something, it’s often A LOT easier to get them to do it, if they see you doing it!

I remember once eating ice cream, and my daughter asking if she could have one.

My first thought was:

“I don’t want to poison her with crappy ice cream that’s full of sugar, pasteurized dairy, and God knows what else.”

I tried to explain this to her, and, at 2 years old, she quite rightly said:

“But, Daddy. YOU have an ice cream, so why can’t I? That’s not fair.”

I couldn’t argue. So, I bought her the ice cream, and learned a VALUABLE LESSON:

You cannot parent your kids by taking the approach of:

“Do as I SAY, not as I do”

Ain’t gonna work. You have to lead by example.

They’re gonna do what you do, especially when they’re young.

So, if you want them to EAT WELL – eat well in front of them!

If you want them to WORK HARD – be a hard worker.

If you want them to be FIT – do things to make yourself fit.

This is painfully obvious. Yet, a lot of parents don’t get it. And, I needed my daughter to help me figure it out, when she was 2!

#3: What Really Matters to Me The Most

I recently made a tough decision. To QUIT playing GOLF.

This was a tough decision because I LOVE golf.

Here’s why I did it…

Before I quit playing golf, I had 4 major priorities:

• My family (including my kids)
• My business
• Golf
• Strength training

I realized that having 4 priorities wasn’t working. It was too many.

Obviously I couldn’t give up my family, or my business.

So, it was golf or strength training. One had to go.

2 things led me to ditch golf and put all my PHYSICAL/ATHLETIC focus on strength training:

The first reason was because I prefer strength training. I took me a long time to get clear on this, but this question solved the problem:

“Every morning, where do you go?”

ANSWER:

The gym. NOT the driving range. 

Clearly, my strength training means more to me than golf! 

The Lesson here is simple, yet profound: Where you put your time tells you A LOT about your priorities!

The second reason for choosing strength training over golf was a TIME ISSUE.

Any woman who makes her man quit a hobby/sport/interest is a bitch in my opinion. And, any man who allows that to happen, is a WUSS. Because, as men, we’re not here to entertain our women 24/7. And, I often find that women who make their men give up their interests, have no interests themselves!

Anyway, that’s a RANT for another day. The point here is…

Golf takes TIME. A lot of time.

On a Saturday, I’d leave the house at 7.30am, get to the club for 8am. Warm up for an hour. Play at 9. Done by 1pm. Then, by the time I’d handed my scorecard in, changed my shoes, and driven home, it’d be 2pm.

I asked myself these questions:

“Do I really want to take up the best part of every Saturday, playing golf, during my kid’s childhood?”

And:

“Do I really want to do something that could lead to my kids resenting me one day, because I could never do anything with them on a Saturday, because I was always playing golf?”

The answer to both questions was:

“NO”.

And, I’m now loving my strength training more than ever. Here’s some deficit deadlifts from today:
[evp_embed_video url=”https://www.thenewalpha.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/deficit_deadlifts.mp4″ poster=”https://www.thenewalpha.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Screenshot_1.png”]

#4: The True Meaning of ‘Responsibility’

I didn’t know what RESPONSIBILITY was until I had kids.

Being a Father teaches you what responsibility really is. You’re responsible for kids in so many ways. And, kids aren’t very good at looking after themselves…

You have to teach them how to eat right. How to be healthy.

You have to teach them how to wash, dress and so on.

You have to help them with their homework.

You have to comfort them when they have a fallout with their friends at school.

You have to make sure they cross the road safely.

The list of responsibilities literally never ends when you have kids. Ultimately though, the more responsibility you have – that you can effectively deal with – the better a human being you will be!

It’s like in the gym…

The more WEIGHT you can lift – the STRONGER you are.

So, instead of seeing responsibility as a bad thing, or a burden, I see it as a privilege. I have two amazing kids, and I’m responsible (to some degree at least) for how they progress in life, especially at a young age.

I don’t actually find that daunting in any way. I find it EMPOWERING.

#5: How to Say “No”

This is a tricky one. Because I HATE saying “NO” to my kids.

But, I’ve had to learn how to do it. Because, sometimes “NO” is the right answer.

“Daddy, can I have an ice cream?”

“No darling. Because you had ice cream yesterday at the party, and it’s not good for your teeth.”

“Daddy, can I watch television now?”

“No darling, not right now. Because you’ve already watched a movie today, and we’re about to have dinner”

“Daddy, can I have a new toy?”

“Not today darling, because you had new toys last weekend. You can get some more toys at Christmas”

I think the lesson here is twofold:

Firstly, that sometimes it’s in your best interests, and your child’s best interests, to say “NO”. As tough as it may be.

Secondly, when you say “NO” – it should always come with an explanation…

READ THIS CAREFULLY:

One of the worst bits of parenting I’ve ever seen, was when I was in a shop, and a young boy (who must have been 3 or 4 years old), politely said to his Mum:

“Please can I have some candy Mummy?”

And she said:

“No”.

He replied:

“That’s not fair Mummy”

And she said:

“Life’s not always fair. Get over it”

I thought that was really shitty. She could have given him a real reason why he couldn’t have candy that day – something that would have been useful. Instead, she chose to give him some Bullshit answer, that’ll cloud his judgement about life in general.

Got questions/comments?

Leave them below and I’ll get back to you ASAP,

Adam